Girl, Do You
One of the biggest struggles I have is giving too much energy to what other people think. It’s can be a crippling feeling, one that almost everyone deals with at some point…everyone except my best friend Maggie that is. She is one of those unicorn women who really doesn't give one single f*ck what anyone else thinks. Not me, I give all the f*cks...or at least I did...we could say I’m in recovery.
I remember shuffling my disheveled self to the new bus stop on the first day of school thinking 'God, please kill me now'. I was so embarrassed and ashamed, of what exactly I don't know but it could have been a number of things. The ex and I get along, it was a mutual decision...but 'DIVORCE?!? GASP, OH MY GOSH'! What did everyone think?!? Eh, I got over that real quick.
You see here's the thing; what ever they were thinking they weren’t saying it to me. In between the sleepless nights, the alcohol and my rekindled love for rap music, I found this incredible sense of gratefulness. I am grateful that my kids aren't going through the divorce that I went through as a child. I am grateful that I have the means to be on my own and the independence to grow and set this strong example for my children. I am grateful that I went through the hardest thing of my life and I am happier today than I have ever been, and in a weird way I think the kids are too. I have to mention a big playing piece I have here that not everyone has. Cole. He is an incredible dad and we always agree to do what is best for the kids. Please know that I do not take that for granted. However, there IS A MINDSET that comes into play when life throws lemons at you.
When I moved out there was much hesitation from my family. I’m sure it was out of an urge to protect us, but what that did was leave me with a feeling of little support and whole lotta judgement. I had to learn to support myself, to believe that what I was doing was the right thing. I was being second guessed and questioned but I held my grounds...and I am so glad that I did. It hasn't been perfect, I've had my share of tears and worries and even the occasional argument. But the HUM PARTY OF 5 that is now broken into the HUM/CABLE parties, actually laugh more and communicate better and don't really pay much mind what anyone else thinks as long as it works for US.
I've been talking myself out of doing this blog for so long in fear of what everyone will think and say, but I'm going to follow my own lead on this one too. I have learned so much good and bad from my experience and I think the world could use a little more connection and support among women. So here I am raw and real, ready for the rest of my life. Living each day with intention and with the hope that if I can inspire other women to make their own lemonade than I am doing some kind of good in this crazy world.